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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some of you guys really are awful. I know my kid and you don’t. I’m asking for help to unspoil him. Some here said give him close to nothing and that’s how I’m leaning. It’s not just about the birthday, but in general. He keeps chasing money and material items. And is never satisfied.

He wants the trip, because in order to engage in his hobby, we have to travel. We can’t do it here. I’m not doing any of this for me. I hate his hobby. I must be present for him to do it (safety), so I do it. His father is physically incapable of doing it, so it’s all me.

I am trying to figure out how to instill the concept of gratitude —  you are a happier person when you appreciate what you have and aren’t always striving for more more more. And he’s obviously not a happy child.  I’m looking at the long game of trying to build a happy, resilient person. I’ve screwed up somewhere and I’m trying to fix it.

He’s in a new school, and doesn’t have any close friends yet. Certainly none whose parents know me well enough to take their kid somewhere. I don’t even know if he’s got someone to go trick or treating with.   The trip idea, in part, is to downplay that he doesn’t have friends yet, here, who he can invite to something. So I’m it. He’s stuck with me. I’m working with that and a budget.  I’ve offered going to a Maryland basketball game, stuff like that. Nope. The trip is what piqued is interest. He just wants all sorts of conditions.
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So, he's at a new school, doesn't have any friends, and asked for video games for his birthday which he is not getting. OP, be honest, when he is expressing unhappiness to you is your response "But the trip!!" like that is suppose to make everything better? Because you are invalidating his feelings and giving him no where to go except to try to put into words about why the trip is not making him as happy as you think it should.

I would suggest that at a time when you are calm and he is calm, you sit down and ask him how he would really like to celebrate his birthday. It may very well be that he wants to go on the trip, but having to act grateful all the time and as though the trip has healed his other concerns is too much. And just talk to him in general.

We went through something similar with my oldest. He goes to a small private and many of the other kids do amazing, fantastic things over breaks. Unfortunately, DH has health issues, and younger DS has special needs, so international trips or Hawaiian vacations just aren't in the cards for us as a family. We typically go to the same beach or mountain resorts. It's a lot of work to go, so we stay a long time. Older DS started to complain bitterly about it. Pointing out all the ways he should be grateful did not have the desired affect, because the problem wasn't that he lacked gratitude. Not exactly, anyway. He was just feeling frustrated about the family situation he was stuck in, and pointing out all the other good things in his life wasn't what he needed. He needed to be heard. So he and I talked about the things he wanted, his disappointments, whatever. He understood all the reason he "should" be grateful, he just needed to vent, too. At the end I told him we could skip the trip if he really wanted to, but I couldn't give him the trips he really wanted, (and I also gently suggested that the other trips might not make him as happy as he thought, but I didn't perseverate on that). He suggested a compromise, which was a shorter trip to where we usually went, so that at least the rest of the break he could relax at home.

I will say that since that discussion our last two trips have, objectively, been two of the "lamest" because we made reservations late and DH had health flare ups that prevented us from doing much of anything while we were there. But I openly acknowledged these things with older DS, and he really had a different attitude. Really tried to make the best of it. And I had a different attitude, too. Instead of trying to point out all the things he should be enjoying (i.e., "unspoiling" him), I just let it be. [/quote]

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