Reply to Complicated Grief and my late friend’s husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is strange to me that you think that you care more about the child's interests than his father does. It is beyond not your business that he's marrying, having babies, or who he's leaving money to. Please do not speak to anyone about this. Not all feelings are valid and deserve to be attended to. This is one that you need to let go of because it's not even close to appropriate for you to be concerned with someone else's inheritance.[/quote]

DP here:
The problem I envision is that the older boy and new step-mom may not get along. She may encourage the dad to cut off college payments, if issues arise: "Oh, we have a young baby and two other kids from my previous marriage. We really need to keep all our money right now. Timmy can just take out some student loans to get by."

Recently deceased DW probably worked hard to save for her son's college. That may be at-risk. Plus, it sounds like Dad will need to put three other kids through college.

If my DW ever passes away, the first thing I'm doing is getting a vasectomy. Having a baby at age 50 is just telling everyone that you won't retire until age 70. No way.

[/quote]

I agree with this.  If he was nearing 50, he spent his high earning years with first wife and kid.  They saved and had a plan together on what to do with those funds.  It does seem against first wife wishes to “give” it to other kids - especially the step kids.  AND - if he dies now - new wife would technically get everything unless here are specific protections or trust for oldest son.  New wife comes in at the point when he is already rich, new family gets benefits of all the early years of hard work.  However - I would say that everything he earned while married to this new woman is different.

I was an adult when my mom died.  Her will specified everything go to my brother and me.  She was living comfortably.  New husband of one year thought he deserved 1/3 of the estate!  She had worked really hard and invested and was clear in her will.  However, he made it very unpleasant.  While she was alive she paid for everything (housing/food/travel).  Her choice.  Glad her will was clear.  But it wasn’t like they “earned” the money together.[/quote]

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