Reply to My adult step-daughter wants to move in with us

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP - she has been staying with her mom. Her mom has been pressuring her to get a job, and I think that's wearing on her. I think she just wants to escape the pressure at her mom's. I do think she should get a job, but my husband wants to give her a little leeway to figure things out (he hopes she will re-enroll in January). [/quote]

This tells you that if she moves in with you, she's not going to get a job. Not anytime soon, anyway. And also that your DH is a pushover and his DD knows it.

[quote]Well...you did marry a man with a kid, so you never should have counted on that guarantee. Especially before they were all established in adulthood. Your concerns are valid, sure. But your DH has a responsibility to parent his child, and even though she's a young adult it will serve her much better if she has support right now. You certainly don't need to be a doormat, but I do think being generous while helping her launch will go a long way toward family happiness down the road. [/quote]

This is not a child. This is an adult. Her DH is not responsible for her. Her DH will serve her better if he gives her tough love.

[quote]Also want to add that if you say no, it will damage their relationship, which in turn will damage your relationship because he will blame you (rightfully so). [/quote]

No. If his DD gets angry at her dad, that's on her not the OP.

[quote]As much as OP would love to be the "tough love" adult here, that's just not her role. [/quote]

Yes it is, because she ALSO lives in the house and WILL be affected by the outcome of this decision. And last but not least, her DH does not want to be the tough guy.

[quote]Be nice, it’s his daughter! Kindness always wins. You have her Dad, nice house, nice life, think about sharing and just let her come. Maybe she needs you![/quote]

What she needs is a good kick in the ass. She is a failure at 22 because of too much "kindness" already.

[quote]I think you should support him but with certain conditions. [/quote]

Any conditions you set will be ignored once she moves in, and you won't be able to do a thing about it. Don't say you weren't warned.

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