Reply to Should I tell my ex about my boyfriend before I intro him to the kids?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You started online dating right after the divorce??

Wow.... I was still making my kids feelings a priority & the absolute LAST thing I was thinking about immediately after my divorce was online dating.

You do you though. [/quote]

Way to project. Guess what? I can walk and chew gum. I can also date someone and simultaneously care a whole heck of a lot about my kids. Even love them to bits. Once again, I was not asking for opinions on my relationship, so please feel free to scroll on by. [/quote]

As a divorced mom of 2, I want to know how you do it?  When to you physically find the time to date?  ExH has the kids 1 night a week and 1 weekend overnight.  Except both kids have so many after school/weekend activities, that all people that can drive are needed to drive.  We have to divide and conquer for transportation logistics.

3 days a week both kids are out until 8pm.  On the weekends, both kids have games and inevitably there are playdates that conflict with bday parties.  By 8pm on Sat night, I am exhausted.  And since we do it all again on Sunday morning starting at 8, all I want to do is go to bed.  I don't know how to find time to date without making my kids give up something and that's not fair to them.  So where do you find the time to date?[/quote]

I’m going to take this as an honest question and not an attempt at shaming. The answer is that while I love my kids to pieces, they do not define me. I have three of them. All very active. But they are limited to one sport at a time, and scouts. My oldest elects for travel soccer, my middle and youngest rotate through Rec sports based on seasons. We map out the calendar and we make trade offs, we carpool a lot. My ex and I share 50/50 custody and a big part of why I’m divorced is because I was doing it all, while working full time, earning more, cooking, and being treated like crap by my spouse. So I got rid of the spouse. Now he is in charge of his weeks. We do occasionally pitch in for each other, but we can almost always make our weeks work with no input from the other parent (yay carpools!). On weekends I attend my kids events on weekends where they are with their dad if I can, but I do not feel guilty if I have plans and I cannot. I call them and get the download later.

For me, being divorced has been almost no change in domestic burden. If anything it made my life significantly easier. While married, I ran all carpools, now my ex has to do them on his weeks. I did all cooking, laundry, cleaning, and maintaining of the household schedule, now my ex has to do all of that in his own house. I get 50% of the time with a reduced burden in those areas. I still do maintain the general calendar and schedule for the kids though. I have peace in my life. My quality of life increased so much that I can be a better person and mother. Yes, I miss my kids when I don’t see them, but I make lots of efforts to connect with them. We have a great relationship.

I don’t think women should place themselves second to motherhood. There is no trophy for this. All you can do is your best. If your best is running around ragged after your kids until 10 more years go by, okay. If your best is 3 years finding yourself after divorce, okay. For me, my best was knowing that there was getting back out there to find someone to laugh with again. Turns out he was looking for that too. And a year later, here we are. Between us we have 6 kids. God help us if this is really it.  :lol: [/quote]

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