Reply to Daughter's Behavior Toward Parent/Family and Attitude vs Gratitude

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 17 year old going through what yours is going through - I understand why you are upset but I also agree with a PP that said you can't and shouldn't fix a lifelong problem (never thanking anyone, for example) with denying a college opportunity that you can afford.

If it were me (and it is in some ways) I would say you are willing to pay and do it and would like her to attend some family counseling with you to try to mend your relationship before she goes off to school.[/quote]

This is excellent advice -- baby steps, OP.   Start working on the relationship, try to correct some behaviors, but start small.  She didn't get like this overnight, so take some time to fix it and don't invoke the nuclear option of not paying or college.  Get family counseling and separately, get a parent coach for yourself to see how you can start to change things.  Good luck.[/quote]

+1.  You're being extremely disproportionate and short-sighed, OP.  Torpedo her college education and the relationship will be broken, likely forever.  If being rude and not writing thank-you notes is a problem, you should have addressed it with PROPORTIONAL consequences at the time.  Not saving up all your resentment and damaging her future all of a sudden.

Agree that she is likely angry about the divorce and wanting her parents to experience some unpleasantness like the unpleasantness they put her through.  OP needs to face up to his role in creating this situation.[/quote]

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