Reply to Daughter's Behavior Toward Parent/Family and Attitude vs Gratitude

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[quote=Anonymous]At this point it is hard to know if your daughter is just not a nice person and is selfish and hurtful. She may grow out of that but there are also a lot of adults who are selfish hurtful adults - so this may just be her personality. She doesn't' really seem to have empathy.

On the other hand she could be a very angry young woman due to the events of her life and once away at college, she will grow up and figure out how to work through her anger. 
It also seems she is very spoiled and entitled. That can happen to teens of divorce if parents bend over backwards out of guilt to try and give them everything and make them the center of everything.

That said, I don't think you ever need to let people treat you badly. That includes your almost adult daughter. It sets a really bad example for her to be allowed to emotionally abuse you with no consequence. You can absolutely set some boundaries. I wouldn't put financial support as an ultimatum or carrot. That will only fuel her anger and selfishness and it makes you look petty. I also don't think you need to be the Bank of Dad. I would tell her how much you are contributing to her education. Find a number that is reasonable and doable for you. It doesn't need to pay 100%. She can work, take out loans, get FA, money from mom etc. Don't be abused into giving her whatever she asks.

At this point you aren't going to be able to make her act any differently. You need to give her a couple years to grow up and see where she is at then. Be supportive but set boundaries. If she is still a pretty awful person in a couple years, then that may just be who she is.[/quote]

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