Reply to double standard for girls and boys..but I can't help it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have a senior boy and sophomore girl. Both great kids. And I understand the feeling that a girl is more of a target and the impulse to keep her safe, not matter what.  But having different rules for different genders sends the message to your DD that you think the world is unsafe for her and she can’t manage herself.  And like it or not, she will be going to college without you. She needs to know how to keep herself safe.   And be confident that she can manage herself.

I work with DD a lot on situational awareness and have had her take a teen self defense class. She will be required to take a more in depth self defense class for women before college. But, I don’t want her to go to college having never gone to get ice cream in a group.

Now, when DH and I establish ground rules, we do so with an eye towards both kids, not just DS p, who uses the rules first. For example, none or very limited Uber alone/ without a friend.  Never turn off the iPhone track function.  I would probably give just the boy more freedom if he was an only or we only had boys, but it is important to me that both kids have the same rule. Ditto dating guidelines— they are the same for both kids.  But if DS was an only or had a younger brother, the would probably be less restrictive.

It’s tough to navigate.  But realize boys also have danger zones while they establish independence. Girls are more of a target. But boys are more likely to make dumb, dangerous decisions due to delayed prefrontal cortex development.  Especially in a group.

You need rules that loosen over time if they make good decisions (earning freedom).  You need to have the same rules for both kids, if possible. And of the rules aren’t the same, it should be based on the behavior of your specific kid and not just their gender.  Saying no because your kid or her friends have made bad decisions is different than saying no just because she is a target. Rather than restricting her, teach her how to not be a target.  In a group of friends who don’t get into trouble, with a safe driver, in a public area, in a safe suburb should be fine. [/quote]

DP here. I will take your concepts further and say that individuals carry within themselves different risks. My son has severe ADHD, which poses a significant risk to his own safety. My daughter is very petite, which makes her more of an easy target. Every child has a different maturity level and physical attributes over which they have little control.

Instead of issuing idiotic blanket statements and unfair accusations like previous posters have done, let each parent worry about their own child and accept that others know their child well and make the right decisions for them.

It's a matter of respect. Respect other's decision-making.

[/quote]

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