Reply to Tell me what divorce will be like

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Tell me what divorce will be like"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Separated for 18 months. Kid is actually doing better now than he was in marriage.
I honestly don’t understand about the “damage”. Son had a few questions but they were mostly related to his his life is going to be. He was mostly upset about lack of videogames it seems (eyeroll).
[/quote]

The concern is - do you [i]really [/i]know what's going on inside his head? It is not uncommon for kids to be so worried and anxious they shut down and refuse to talk about it, or to be “taking cover” when parents are angry or depressed, or to feel protective thus keep silent to shield parents from additional worry.

I'm a child of divorce and my mom had [i]no idea[/i] what was going on inside my head. Huge anxiety, fear of abandonment, feeling like I'd done something wrong to cause daddy to go away, etc. etc.[/quote]

This.  Kids are prone to telling adults what the adults want to hear.  And adults are prone to accepting it.  Kids are just not mature enough to predict how they will feel in the future and often the kids don't know the whole story.  For example, I thought my parents'divorce was the right call because they fought so much, but several years later I found out about my mother's affair and was devastated at her poor character and all the lies I realized she had been telling us.  Another example, as a teenager I never thought about how my own children would have to divide up grandparent time, but as an adult I really struggle with doing the extra travel and feel sad that my kids are getting less.  I'm not saying kids' opinions are worthless, but you have to look at them in context.

Dating is the least of your problems, Op.  You seem in denial of that.[/quote]
I am not OP, but the author of the top post in this subthread. 
It’s not what my kid is saying. I never asked him if he is happy about the split. I just observe his behavior; he has become better at school, with friends, with me.  
He now knows there are rules of the house; not what daddy says at the moment. At the same time, daddy is free to set the rules in his house, I don’t care. 
I am not undermined, belittled, or brushed aside in my own home. This is a big deal. 
Please do not tell me you know better what is best for my child and for me.[/quote]

Thanks for sharing your story. It's helped me. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics