Reply to Divorce threats

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Divorce threats"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t see why we have to be so black and white with things. There are probably major stressors that are causing this type of language and a serious communication barrier impeding effective and healthy discussions. I don’t think that failure means one needs to throw a ten-year life together away...maybe try intensive therapy together and see where it goes. If all is exhausted, then sure...but that’s the problem with America...everything is so drive through and marriages and divorces are all expected to be quick fixes. [/quote]

OP here: it would be one thing if we had ever been happy. I ignored red flags, almost cancelled the wedding, and almost left at the first divorce threat. It has not ever been “a life together”—it has not been a shared life. We have had separate lives the entire time. “Trying to work it out” has wasted 10 years. This is an instance in which the marriage has always been a mistake and we should have admitted the mistake within the first year and gotten out immediately. There has been no joy...only misery. This is not lack of trying...that trying has wasted our time. People should understand that they are couples who truly should not have married in the first place.[/quote]

Me again--I hear you. I am sorry that this was the case. You are getting back your life then...so, good for you! Let me know if you end up needing to mediate. [/quote]

NP. OP, just wanted to say that I was you 11 years ago. I knew it was a mistake, I was ignorant about red flags, I didn’t have (or listen to) good counsel, and regretted marriage months in. I remember joking that the honeymoon phase never happened so maybe after the 1st year of hell the marriage would be bliss. No. It got worse. As I healed from my personal issues, he and I lost our common wound (effed up childhood) in common. He didn’t want to build something new - I was asking him to do a work he had never done on himself, on our marriage. And he had never seen anyone do that type of work for him either. So we divorced. It was messy. He was angry, and vindictive, and is very salty years later. But there was pure peace (and eventually LOVE on the other side IV everything! So I know it’s tough, I’ve been where you are, the grey murkiness seems to drudge on forever, but don’t fear anything, ever. I could have written your update above. when you know it’s time to go, prepare. But also don’t expect him to have the same attitude: I was accused of everything I didn’t do: lie, cheat, abandon, deceive, unfaithfulness, breaking family, etc. he didn’t talk to his child for over a month at one point, never called. He never paid support or medical or educational or childcare or birthday Christmas — NOTHING. I was blown back by all of the anger that was directed at me when I left. Even still he couldn’t work through it — he hadn’t built the habits or his tool kit to respect the time. I say all this to say - do what’s best for you and don’t let anyone ever get in the way of your ability to laugh and smile and feel love.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics