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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you keep putting the two boys together.  You expect the older one to act more maturely than he’s capable of and then don’t hesitate to express your disappointment in him when he doesn’t.

In your first post you wrote,  “he perceives that we favor younger son and give in whenever he has a tantrum.”

In your second post, that’s exactly what happened.  He has it exactly right.

Your younger son is 10, he’s still crying and you still come running to defend him, making your older son, who was also just being the kid he still is, feel like an ogre.  It’s time to teach your younger son how to speak up for himself.

Stop taking your youngest son’s side whenever he cries and take that as your cue to teach both of your sons how to work out their issues with their words.  Don’t speak on behalf of either, just let each know when it’s their turn to talk about what happened....to each other, not to you.  Be a mediator.

Or send them both to their rooms until they can calm down.  Don’t show favoritism to either side.

Stop forcing the older one to play with the younger one, especially when friends come to play.  Let them each have their own space, and their own friends.

Think about how and how often you and your DH show your older son he’s valued and loved as much as your younger son.  It seems you’ve neglected him because you identify with the younger son and think he needs you more while it seems the older one gets by on his own.  He has to because he’s left with nothing else.  Both of your sons need their parents, but in different ways.  Your older son needs to feel parental love and attention, too.

To foster family bomding, schedule a family night once in a while where it’s just your nuclear family doing an activity together.  Let each person have a turn picking out the activity — game night, baking cookies....something that requires teamwork and cooperation, but allows everyone to have fun together.   [/quote]

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