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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are some really mean-spirited people here.  Maybe that's what it does to you to be spread too thin.

I understand you, OP.  My mother didn't have to deal with any long-term care issues for my grandmother until I had already finished college, meaning my mom's "mothering" job was more or less done.

I have two special needs kids and started being the main person watching out for my father when I was about 40;  DH's parents have been declining for the past two years.

You can't underestimate the emotional drain, toll, and siphon that elder care can be - it takes time and energy that you expected to use to focus on your children.  In our case, my DH misses critical appointments with therapists treating our DC who has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.  His mind is also preoccupied with his parents when he should be focused on the kids.

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I understand how easy it is to become preoccupied with elder care. I have an elderly father who needs a lot of my time and attention, and a teenager with autism. It’s so hard to weigh and juggle whose needs are most important in a given moment. My own needs end up way down the list.[/quote]

x1000  My DH gets preoccupied and sentimental, which is sweet.  That said, it sometimes burns me up to see how he reminisces about so many magical experiences from his childhood (trips across the country, etc) that he isn't creating for our kids due to his preference to spend his few vacation days with his parents instead of with the kids.  He has two siblings who have fewer responsibilities (kids already grown up/retired and no kids/about to retire).    He has to do his part for his parents, but he has siblings who are essentially retired and have grown kids and no kids and he ends up neglecting our kids in the process.   There is no great solution and I but it makes me feel like a single mom of special needs kids. [/quote]

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