Reply to Repairing Relationship with ILs -- has anyone done it?

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[quote=Anonymous]So, I think your husband and your therapist are much more important sources of info, but wondering: do the in-laws know that the bar mitzvah is imminent?  If they do and they haven't asked/reached out I think that says a lot (what grandparent doesn't want to offer a blessing? a toxic grandparent :( or a non-Jewish grandparent for whom this just wouldn't be on their radar screen)

My own parent was estranged from one set of cousins (the aunt/uncle and kids) after a years-ago insult (a truly hurtful one), and 25 years later, reconnected somewhat after the death of another family member. Not that they would have been close, but it was special for me to hear about my great-grandparents from a perspective that I had never heard - and for my parent also, whose grandparents died while young. It's definitely NOT worth upsetting your husband, or putting your kids in a bad position, but wanted to offer that small anecdote in case it would be easy to extend the small olive branch of an invite, where the in-laws can sit at a back table and go home early or something, where there is some value in connection - not enough value perhaps to outweigh the peril, but you all know that best.

I feel for you![/quote]

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