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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think the concept of matriarch is passe.  In my family, my mom is the matriarch. She was a trained teacher who worked when money was needed but essentially was a SAHM. Dad deferred to her in all decisions big or small. He concentrated on his career, which was also helped along by my mom because she did all the hosting etc. She has a lot of influence in the way her kids and grandkids make decisions.

I am a SAHM and both my sisters work. We all are matriarchs of our families because we make the decisions.  My SIL (eldest brother's wife) works and she leaves all decisions on my brother because she cannot plan out things.  My middle brother's wife also works and decision making in their family is egalitarian. I feel they have both a matriarch and patriarch in the family.

I think someone is a Matriarch only if she has some kind of power over decision-making within the family. She also has  something to offer the family to influence these decisions. Sometimes, she wields power through influence, organizational capabilities, wisdom, family name  or money: sometimes, she is the only one that can provide  domestic stability, child care, education, elder care, food, a functioning household etc, and if she withdraws from these roles then things will fall apart for everyone,  So, she is is deemed important and people defer to her.  You cannot be a matriarch when you have no influence and others do not need or heed you.

My DH is a high earner but he does not have the time to take the mental burden of planning and executing goals for the family, finances, children etc. When the burden fell on me and he relinquished all control (including financial) then my decisions were powered by influence and backed by money.  When I was working and the decisions and execution fell on both of us, we were actually floundering, because we were short of time and had a ton of responsibilities which proved difficult to juggle.

In my opinion, matriarchs come into being when females have the power to make decisions & plans and the ability to see it to fruition. The ability could be based on their organizational capability, economic or social influence and the work they do is  for the good of their family and extended family. They are also recognized, trusted,  respected, and deferred to by all.   Most single moms (at least till the time kids are small) are the matriarchs of their families, because they are the leaders of their pack,  in my opinion.

Similarly, patriarchs also provide leadership to the packs.   But if a society is patriarchal, it usually does not have the finesses to balance the needs of both genders and mostly it ends up sacrificing female rights and happiness  for the benefit of the male members of the society. It mostly works by creating rules and laws that subjugates women in domestic, sexual, economic, social ways and prevents access to rights, education, reproductive choices to women.

Our society is currently becoming more and more patriarchal and we are seeing the ill effects on every sphere of our society. It is thus more important to at least have matriarchs in the domestic domain, when possible. My 2 cents. [/quote]

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