Reply to Ex wants to move out of state-- what are the questions to ask and pitfalls to avoid?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We just went through this.  Do EVERYTHING through lawyers/court.  He, legally, is the one that should file to amend the custody and child support agreements.  He absolutely should pay more and it will drastically change the numbers.  A high school kid is not going to want to leave his hometown every summer and holiday.

We split winter break.  The one that chose to move across the country gets the kids for 3 weeks in the summer, every other spring break, and every other fall break. On non-fall break years he gets them for Thanksgiving.If he wants to fly back to visit every other weekend or whatever then let him.  On a schedule.  He might take advantage of it.

Whatever you do, do not do this on your own. Use the law to protect yourself.
[/quote]

That's sad for the kids that they are so limited in time with their dad, especially to 3 weeks in the supper.  Why not just stop visitation all tother as two breaks and 3 weeks is what you'd give a relative, not parent?[/quote]

I have never sent my kids to any relative for 3 weeks and never would unless my kid was begging to.  3 weeks in the summer is much more than a usual visit with grandparents or aunts/uncles/cousins.  Some kids spend a full summer with grandparents in another state or abroad.  There is no standard “this is for relatives/this is for a parent” time period.  There are just different arrangements that work for different families.  This kid is already in HS.  He is not going to want to spend his whole summer away from his school friends, and dad would be wrong to insist on it.[/quote]

This isn't a relative.  This is the child's father. Two different situations.  We have friends send us their high school kids for several weeks in the summer.  You are missing the point that this is a parent and kids need both of their parents.  [/quote]

Yes, kids need both their parents. That’s why one of the parents shouldn’t voluntarily move away. My bipolar ex, in the middle of hypomania, frequently had ideas about moving to country X for a job.  Thankfully, his therapist would gently remind him, if you want to have a relationship with your kids, you need to live here and see them regularly.

If a parent voluntarily moves away from the child’s established home, then the parent has to bear the comsequences of that. Depending on how far it is, how old the child is and how established the child is in tbe current locale, the moving parent might end up with less custody time.

Although most locales now have a presumption of 50/50 custody, that “presumption” is a presumption that it is in the “best interests of the child” that there is 50/50 custody.  “Best interests of the child” is the standard that rules. If one parent moves a significant distance, then the “presumption” that 50/50 is in tbe “best interests” is no longer true.

There are many things a non-custodial parent can do to preserve relationships - regular Skype or Facetime video, visits by the parent back to the child’s town of residence, etc.

It is not in the best interests of a HS age child to simply have to go several hours by plane for all vacations. Those need to be split evenly between parents and the moving parent must make a greater effort to come back to visit if desirous of more time. [/quote]

This is not about your mentally ill ex who may not be able to handle more parenting.  You are mixing the situation with your own.  Just terminate your child's relationship with their father and be honest that you don't want them to have a relationship.

There are plenty of reasons to move.  Life isn't always that simple.  Even when you live close, most Dad's even good ones don't get 50/50 so why stay if you cannot see your kids.

FaceTime and phones are only good if the custodial parent allows it.  Often that is also restricted as well.

It absolutely is in a child's best interests to visit the other parent for an extended time during the summer.  They can get a job, be parented by that parent, and really get to know that parent.  A 5 minute phone call weekly and a few weeks a year isn't parenting.  That's just a child support check and pretending to call the parent a parent when they are just a human ATM.

You don't want the father involved.  That's fine.  Just admit it and stop taking child support tell the child you are terminating the relationship, not Dad.  Problem solved.[/quote]

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