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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here- we won’t miss the birthday, the kid doesn’t have a lot of friends and really likes my son. Honestly, it’s more of a punishment to make him go. Maybe I should ask if he can stay for longer?!

He doesn’t get allowance so that’s out.

He has been increasingly defiant as summer has progressing.

He’s an alpha child and is always trying to lead the pack, including me his mother. I feel that this is also about teaching respect for women as he often feels that his way is the right way and argues with me (more then his father) when I tell him to do something. [/quote]

Op if you truly feel like he doesn’t respect women, or others, that is a much bigger issue that punishment and consequence for this incident are still not going to solve. It sounds like you feel like things are out of control, so you are scrambling to regain control and some severe punishment makes you think you’ll show him YOU are in control, not him. But it just isn’t that easy, you’re going to get into a power struggle with him and not teach him much. If you really are worried about empathy and learning that he needs to listen and consider others - my original point about sitting down, calmly talking about the situation - how it made you feel, figuring out with him what happened etc is still my recommendation. You need to connect with him and help him learn how to understand other people’s feelings (including yours). People learn when they feel connected to others, kids especially. Not when they feel shame (shame can cause a temporary change in behavior for sure, but the actual lessons are not the same). You could talk about the importance of being kind to this other kid, specifically talk about your own feelings - how you thought about what might be a special gift for this kid in particular. That is the way you teach empathy. (Not saying call the kid out that he needs social currency but you know what I mean)

It really sounds like there are bigger things going on here. Don’t use this one incident to get out your frustration overall this summer. I mean you can, but it won’t get you where you want to be I can almost guarantee that. PEP classes might help, that overwhelmed feeling sucks I know and I’m sorry you’re going through it. [/quote]

+1000000[/quote]

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