Reply to Is it rude to say 'You don't look old enough to have a 12-year-old'?

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Reply to "Is it rude to say 'You don't look old enough to have a 12-year-old'?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I had my son when I was 26 and am now 37. I get "Wow - YOU have a 10 year old?" a lot. It's somewhat complementary, but also just a reality of living in an area where most women "like me" -- which is to say white professional women -- have children in the 2nd half of their 30s. People expect I will have a toddler and/or preschooler, not a middle schooler.

I have certainly heard women of color say it is offensive to comment on young parent or grandparenthood, because it evokes images of pregnant teenagers of color, which is somewhat of a systemic reality in  many communities and not worth dwelling on or speculating about.

Also have heard people point out that people often say to pre-middle-aged white women with a baby "Oh, so cute! Is it your first?" whereas to women of color they say "Oh, so cute! How many kids do you have?" implying/assuming that women of color have children much younger, which is offensive. I have observed this, and make it a point to treat everyone the same  "Oh, so cute!" Period.

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