Reply to Why is the threat or punishment always “taking away electronics?”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find it funny how many people will use the term consequences to avoid the term punishments and then acknowledge that the point of a “consequence” is to purposefully inflict some degree of distress or discomfort. [/quote]

Not really. For example, you didn't do your homework? Ok, there may be some consequence, likely in the form of your grade, teacher's displeasure, whatever. I'm not going to impose some punishment of taking away your screen time after the fact. Now if it becomes a habit maybe you don't get screen time until you earn it by doing you homework. [/quote]

Well, sure, sometimes consequences are natural or at least not imposed by a parent. But there are lots of parents who use the term consequences for punishments they impose, I guess because consequences makes it sound more like the child chose it (see also “you’re not making good choices, so [I’m going to punish you with...]”) or absolves the parent of responsibility, at least semantically. Kind of conflating punishments with natural consequences, as if they were automatic and unavoidable.[/quote]

I think some of it is how punishments have changed dramatically over the past generation.

When I grew up, we were spanked. For anything and everything. There was no need to tie the punishment to the crime. It was simply meant to be a deterrent.

Now parents have to get more creative about how to motivate behavior, which is where I think consequences come in. We can't just scare or hurt our kids into behaving. We have to motivate them into behaving. While we may have some blanket penalties, like time out for a 5 year old, many of us have worked out consequences for various infractions. Sending my 16 year old to her room for a bad grade isn't going to do anything to get her grade up; she's perfectly happy to spend time in her room. Telling her she has to study that subject for an hour every day before she can have her phone is a reasonable "consequence" for a poor grade, and may help provide her with the understanding of how to improve her grades, and that if she keeps her grades up, she won't have a parent making these decisions for her. And I'll consider this a "consequence" rather than a "punishment" because it's specifically addressing the issue that is the problem, rather than a blanket penalty trying to scare/hurt/shame her into compliance.[/quote]

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