Reply to Husband hasn't worked in years. It's wrecking my health

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[quote=Anonymous]I've been through this.  DH and I agree that he would leave his toxic job and could stay home for no more than 6 months.  We'd have to supplement my income with savings but we could do it for a short period of time.  Six months turned into two year by which time DH was in a full blown depression, he refused to seek treatement,  I was burned out from having carried too much for too long and I had 'caught' his depression (I thought I was going through perimenopause and went to see my OB/GYN who said she thought I needed an SSRI - she was right).

The situation wasn't sustainable and I decided the kids and I were better off without DH than with him in his current state.  I told him that unless he took steps within the next 30 days to address his depression (I had already tried making appointments with his doctor and was ready to drive him, he refused) and got a job, I would be ending the marriage.  DH chose not to do anything so I consulted an attorney and began to look for smaller housing I could afford on my own.

I felt so much better! I can't tell you how freeing it was to have a plan forward - I had light at the end of the tunnel.  I knew my life as a single parent would be challenging but it couldn't be worse than what I was living.  Things were looking up for me - I'll never forget the feeling I had when I got to this point.  I felt like my struggle was over.

It turns out, my actions and demeanor shook DH up and motivated him to make needed changes.  When people talk about the 180 here, I believe it can work (I wasn't aware of it back then).  DH made sufficient progress after that that we ended up staying together but I was prepared to end the marriage and he knew it.  He also knew I'd be much better off single than he would. I'd say we have a good marriage but I will never again allow myself to get where I was before.  Hugs and good luck.  [/quote]

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