Reply to Not Going to Close Relatives Funeral

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is it unacceptable to not go to a close relatives funeral who died of old age? I hate funerals. I know for some people it helps them mourn and get closure, but for me they just creep me out. It's not how I want to remember the deceased. Other people view funerals differently and emotions can run high during mourning. I'm concerned family members will think I'm selfish for not attending.[/quote]

They will think you are selfish because you are selfish. The funeral isn't about you, but about the entire family. Are you part of the family by choice?[/quote]

I.Don't.Care. what you think. I have a fundamental difference of opinion about the need, desire, and purpose of a funeral. i can support my family before and after the funeral. And that will be more helpful than a single day. So, you and and I have very different definitions of what is selfish.

You folks keep saying the funeral isn't about you. Well, it isn't about you either. It's supposed to be about the deceased. And he or she doesn't know I"m not there.

[/quote]

Why are you posting then?

Like some other PPs shared, I was so touched by the people who came to my late husband’s service. Parents of children in our DC’s class, childhood and college friends of his who traveled from afar and shared funny stories, and former colleagues who spoke to me about how much they admired him and enjoyed working with him. And yes, all our immediate family traveled to be there. Even two of my cousins from overseas came to support me and offer condolences on behalf of the rest of our extended family who could not make the trip.

You find funerals unpleasant, I get that. No one really loves them, you know. Since being widowed, I have gone to several wakes and funerals despite finding them very difficult now. I go anyway as a show of support to the deceased’s relatives—my discomfort is way smaller than their grief and I know from experience that it might bring them some small comfort.

You wondered if your family will think you’re selfish. Yes, they will. My sister is a funeral skipper, including both our grandparents’, citing similar reasons to you. Yes, everyone thinks she is selfish.[/quote]

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