Reply to s/o Why so much delusion by parents of adult kids around "big happy family get togethers"

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Reply to "s/o Why so much delusion by parents of adult kids around "big happy family get togethers""

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]New poster here. I am that mother/grandmother/mother in  law who wishes a family get together would would work. I have accepted that it does not work. We used to pay for family vacations for three married children, spouses, and grandchildren. Everyone had separate condos in a lovely resort, plane tickets for all, all meals paid for and activities.  When they all came to our home for holidays, we gave  them an amazing time. 
We just got sick and tired of adult siblings complaining to us about each other doing something minor or complaining about a niece or nephew. There are several grandchildren.
We just stopped doing vacations. No big discussion, we just did not offer any more. As fas holidays, we are always home for those times. If anyone wants to come, please do! No invites extended. If one sibling and family wants to stay home this year, it is fine.  If another sibling and family wants to come, fine with us.  We buy same amount of presents for everyone and mail those to ones who do not come so they can have them at their home.
I tried so hard to make it work. We never interfere!   I felt so sad that siblings just did not really enjoy each other. I had a knot in my stomach the whole vacation because I could feel their tension with each other for whatever reason. 
 Amen!  I let siblings manage their own relationships. Do I feel sad that they are not closer? Yes, I do, quite sad. We are close to all children and grandchildren. Talk to all adult children daily or weekly, visit separately.  It works so much better than big family vacations. No big fight or discussion, just the realization that it was not fun for all. It is what it is!  I am sure when they are my age, they will understand why i wanted it to be a wonderful experience for all. [/quote]

Man, I feel sad for you too and my kids are very young. How much do your kids talk to each other? I do really hope my  adult children get along. I love my siblings and my husband loves his as well. I am one of 3 and he is one of 4, and I do sort of feel that one extra sibling+spouse makes it extremely hard for EVERYONE to be together. It's a large group and small children make it hectic. I hope the love is there in your family and things settle out with the kids and they all show up at your house for a holiday soon.[/quote]

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