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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Regarding chores, I echo what PPs have said about starting them early and making them part of the routine. That makes a huge difference.

Re: the electronics, start as late as possible and with very clear and strict guidelines, like never at the table, never in the car, never in social groups, etc. (your details may very). The consequence for breaking the rule is to get it taken away for a period of time. Again, making this routine right from the beginning is a big help. Also set the example by not being on your device when your kids are around.

With respect to being involved in family life, I think it helps to routinely do fun things together, like playing games, going to the movies, etc - even once the kids are older.

These are my lessons learned. I think other PPs have some good ones, too. [/quote]

My kids are older -- in HS, college and grad school -- and I feel lucky that electronics weren't such a huge part of their childhood.  It's so much harder for parents of younger kids now.  I see a big difference in terms of the presence of the online world even with my nieces and nephews who are just a few years younger than my youngest child.   I would also echo what some PPs have said -- that might have been just a tough week for that family.  That can happen with any family.  Recently, we had dinner with neighbors whose family I think of as a model of cooperation and warmth and respect, but, that night there was a lot of bickering among the kids -- possibly because they had visiting cousins, so the balance was a bit off.  That might have been what you were seeing on your vacation, OP.

That said, though, I do think there are differences in family culture.  The post above gives some good ideas for creating a culture of cooperation. Chores are a part of that, yes, but I'd also work to establish an "all hands on deck" style where everyone pitches in even if that means going beyond routine chores.  So, for example, parents say, "Hey, if we want to hit the beach before it's too crowded, then everybody's got to be working together to make breakfast, get the kitchen cleaned up, pack what we need for the day, etc." I think this helps kids feel like they're part of a team, rather than just minions.  (Credit here to my dad, who was a USNA grad and pediatrician.)

I would also really emphasize having fun together -- and would simply add that it's important to ask kids what they'd like to do, rather than just expecting them to fall in line with what parents have planned.  On our vacations we would try to work things out so that everyone -- including each parent -- could choose one activity that everyone else would participate in without grumbling.  (This has the added benefit of giving parents an opportunity to set an example of tolerance and cooperation as some of us who are not fans of baseball games, theme parks and superhero movies may be required to participate in those outings before requiring others to attend the opera, ballet and musicals other than Hamilton and Dear Evan Hansen.:)         [/quote]

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