Reply to Stuck in house with conservative in laws- help me keep my cool

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Stuck in house with conservative in laws- help me keep my cool "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I love the people saying I should stay. Sure, no prob for me to let my kids listen to talk about how black people are lazy, women should fulfill their womanly duties, and other garbage like that. DH pushes back but as I said, FIL is hard of hearing and just gets going like a freight train and doesnt allow any back and forth. Am just leaving from now on. Have developed a code word for my kids so I don’t have to say “come, children, grandpa’s being an ignorant dick.” My kids are too young for this to be much of a learning experience. DH knows his parents have very little time left so I’m having a hard time expressing how I’ve lost all respect for them. It hasn’t always been like this, just the last 4 years or so. [/quote]

Finally a mention of what DH does or doesn't do. It sounds like his parents are very elderly and/or there are health issues that mean he truly knows they have limited time left. Plus he knows that pushing back too hard will only turn into higher-volume lecturing.

And the fact that the rants are really a fairly recent thing is a HUGE red flag, OP. Changes late in life usually are. I'm not defending the political beliefs themselves but I wonder if you've known many elderly adults. They can become really entrenched, even exaggerated, in their beliefs and their expression. It can even be a sign of dementia or just crankiness but whatever's going on, it's a change in old age and not necessarily a reflection of the person you used to know. Can you back away from your focus on the (admittedly nauseating) content and realize that the behavior itself may be a sign of his decline?

I'm NOT saying you have to suck it up and play nice. But you can be the adult who realizes that FIL is old, is on the way out, has changed probably due to age, and your DH may care for FIL enough not to want the remaining time to be full of dramatic debates and departures. So focus on DH, not FIL. Take the kids to the movies, the park, a pool, a local library or bookstore, whatever, and tell DH you want to give him time with his dad when DH does not have to have the added concern of knowing you're there stewing about FIL's lectures. Tell DH that you realize the loud diatribes are a change in his dad's behavior and acknowledge how hard that must be on DH to see that alteration (because it IS hard on the adult child). Ask DH what you can do on visits that works best to help DH.

And yeah, keep a book nearby at all times as a PP says. Find chores to do that take you out of the room. Don't ever engage. Calling out grandad is not necessarily going to do anything at all. Help DH figure out something he can do with FIL, if health allows, that will focus them both on the activity and not on talking or TV news. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics