Reply to Husband says he doesn’t want to talk about practical stuff

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is very dreamy and a romantic. His interests are art, politics, philosophy, literature and religion.

That’s all fine but I want for us to figure out logistics of every day life. Finances and mortgages and vacations.

He gets so bored and checks out whenever I try to bring up any of those topics.

I don’t know what to do. [/quote]

How convenient! He does not want to talk or deal with life! [/quote]

I am similar to OPs DH ( outside of the religious part, and more business heavy). The issues is a lot of this doesn’t need to be a discussion, or at the very least it doesn’t need to be a regular one..

Mortgage discussion doesn’t need to be more they 5 minutes.  Most of a mortgage is actually dictate by some else based on your income and debt. Either stretch it or be more conservative.  If you are at the point of purchasing a house with someone you probably know there financial philosophy.

Vacations, ever read the vacation threads on here.  People turn vacations into trips and make both more miserable than they need to be.   
[b]You get on a plain or in a car and you go somewhere enjoy it and leave.[/b]  Again if you are married you know what type of traveler your spouse is  and you know what type accommodations they prefer.

[/quote]
 
We both know you can't just get on a plane to "somewhere." Somebody in the marriage has to set a budget, arrange time off work, buy tickets, make reservations, and pack. If they don't talk about it, then either they never travel or she does everything. And doing everything can be very lonely and stressful, even if you're not worried about whether your spouse will enjoy it.

And then repeat for every household decision. Ugh.[/quote]

PP here.  But it doesn’t have to be a long “discussion”. Perfect scenario. Last night I said to wife my wife do you want to go to Paris end of September early October?  She said sounds great. I then notice really good deals on hotels in Madrid, said to you want to go to Madrid also, she said sound sure. I booked 3 tickets, 4 nights hotel in Paris and four nights in a hotel in Madrid.  It took a grand 
total of 15 minutes.  Less than 1 min was conversation.

One of us will send an email to hotel a few days before we leave asking them to arrange airport transfer.

Outbound flight is in evening out of Dulles we will pack in the morning go to airport early - mid afternoon, eat early dinner, get on plain.

When we get there we will get train tickets to and from Madrid.

What grand conversation needs to be had?

My guess is her DH is responding just not to level she expects.[/quote]

NP. I think you are a troll. But if you’re not a troll, your experience is very different from many, whether married or not. Sounds like you have no kids, lots of financial freedom, and enough flexibility at work that you CBC book a vacation without requesting the time off or even checking your calendar. It does sound nice and easy t do it your way, but you can bet if we’re planning our once in a decade trip abroad I’m going to spend more than 15 minutes on it and will want to discuss options with DH. And he’ll would want the same thing.    [/quote]

Again without kids, yes it’s easy to fly to a hotel anywhere in the world.

What else are you going to do while in Paris or Madrid? I believe tickets for the Louvre have a waitlist, for example.

I mean if staying in the hotel for four days is fun, great.  [/quote]

What makes you think I am a troll?  Our son is coming with us.  We both work full time.  Yes we have jobs that have a lot of flexibility.  DW has 18 weeks a year where travel is not option. I know what those weeks are.  Even if she had to request time off, it would be a one sentence “when can you get off end of sept early October?” She would tell me and I would book around that. Less than 5 min of communication there.

As far as budget we both know how much we have, we both know what is reasonable.  It isn’t a blow out trip.  We are staying at nicer hotels but not Ritz or Four Seasons.

You really think that if you don’t have four days of activities planned and book prior to leaving that your only option is to sit in a hotel for four days?  
We will walk around, eat, just enjoy the city and each other while enjoying sights.  If we can’t get into the Louvre it will not make or break our trip. [/quote]

NP. It sounds like you’ve reached a good place in your marriage where you can plan easily plan trips both partners would enjoy with minimal conversations about it. But how did you get to this point? How do you know what weeks she is unavailable unless you’ve talked a lot it. Same goes for what types of hotels you each like, that you are both ok with not making advanced reservations for tourist hot spots, how much you have to spend, etc. That’s all knowledge that comes from practice conversations that OPs husband won’t participate in.

If both partners agree to take certain roles in a marriage based on strengths, weakness, interests, that’s one thing. To refuse to participate in the conversations at all is another.

OP, I would look into marriage counseling to work on how best to communicate with each other. And don’t have kids (more kids) until you do.   [/quote]

Her work event schedule is synced to my phone.   We didn’t get to a place. We both just think that most stuff is a big deal in the grand scheme of life.   I don’t question or even look at what she spends on anything.  Don’t care.  We like convenient higher end hotels, typically in Marriott portfolio for family vacations.  If it is the two of us we prefer luxury hotels/resorts.

I just think people put to much emotional capital in decisions that really don’t mean/matter that much.[/quote]

It sounds like budget is never an issue, and money helps paper over a lot of lack of planning!![/quote]

Where do you read budget is never an issue?[/quote]

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