Reply to If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?

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Reply to "If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You fell out of love and quit having sex with him.  I’m not condoning his cheating but certainly it stands to reason that played some role in his actions.[/quote]

This.

If you don't love him and aren't interested in sleeping with him, then how upset could you possibly be? He's given you a reason to leave...so why not leave?

But if you truly are upset, it's because you do love him. So why not try therapy and see if you can build a happy marriage? 
[/quote]

This is like a middle school understanding of life and relationships.  It sounds like this happened when OP was in the thick of parenting a newborn and infant -- it is SO NORMAL for couples to have a rocky period of time then, including a drop off in sex.  The idea that her DH was justified at all in cheating is just crazy and wrong.  If he felt the marriage was over, then his duty was to end it first.  Cheating as a way to get out of the marriage makes it extremely hard to have the kind of separation needed to be effective coparents.

That said, if OP truly believes she has fallen out of love with her DH and did not want to be with him, then yeah, the advice is to split as quickly and calmly as possible, and think as little as possible about the affair.  Trying to put the relationship back together if she is already done with it, AND he has cheated, seems insurmountable.  In couples that do not divorce after affairs, I think they are still actively in love and the affair really was just a bad, impulsive and selfish decision, but they still have a strong foundation of love and affection.  [/quote]

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