Reply to If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "If you have been cheated on, how do you forgive your spouse?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP the insensitivity displayed by some of these responders is mind boggling and I don't know what to make of the decline in human empathy on this board.I have been where you are. My husband had an emotional affair about a year and a half ago. It devastated me. We have built a life together and love each other.  He too showed remorse and we worked through it. It was deeply painful process but it can happen. Get support, professional if possible You can be rebuild together. Sending you my best.[/quote]

NP. The only way it can work is with plenty of remorse on the part of the cheater, willingness by both parties to really work on the relationship, and time. Lots and lots of time.

It took a long time for me to be forgive and trust my DH again. But he appeared remorseful and continued to be remorseful. He faithfully went to therapy with me and did everything the therapist suggested he do. He demonstrated again and again that he was sorry for what he'd done and that he wanted to stay married to me. It was hard and it took a long time, but eventually I came to believe that we had a better marriage than we had had before.

It's been 25 years since DH told me he was having an affair, and I can say completely honestly that I do not believe he has ever cheated or come close to cheating again. No regrets.

Ultimately, I think you need to be able to see him as a good person who did a bad thing. If you can't see him this way--because he does a lot of bad things, or because he doesn't appear to be sorry for what he's done to you and your relationship, or because you don't see cheating as something that a good person can do, so the fact that he cheated means he *isn't* a good person--then I think the chances that you can forgive and rebuild your relationship into something that is fulfilling and satisfying for you are small.[/quote]

We're twelve years out from DH's affair.  I'm not going to lie, it was really, really hard.  But ultimately it has been worth it.  DH worked very hard on himself and the relationship, and I worked equally as hard.  Some motivations:  I did not want to be a part time mom to my kids.  That is, I didn't want to not be present in their lives 24/7.  The thought of not being with them when they went on vacation, or on holidays or just every day after school was frankly enough to keep me motivated.  It was also crucially important that DH understood the magnitude of his actions and  was remoreseful.  It was also important that I recognize my role in our relationship and how it worked and didn't work, and we were both willing to change.   [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics