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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP I can TOTALLY relate! In fact, it is somewhat healing for me to hear that the sh*t my mom does to me (aka, accuses me of loving my husbands family more because they are more functional and do more to help us without causing drama) is actually something that someone, somewhere can relate to as most of my friends are shocked when they hear this from me!

Anyways, I may be you in the future. I've since had 3 more children and have come to terms (through extensive therapy started about a year after I had my first child) with the fact that my mother is never going to be able to give me the love or emotional attunement that I wanted. It has taken a long road and a lot of tears from me, but I now realize I need to focus on my own family (husband and children) and do not engage with the craziness and meanness that is my mother and father. It sucks, but I needed to give up the fantasy of nice parents in order to stay sane. It sounds like you're on the same path. Its hard to realize this when we are so vulnerable with our young children as first time moms, but I think the signs are so clear in front of you that she is mean and will not change that its impossible to ignore now.

The book Boundaries really helped me, as did weekly therapy for years and talking to my priest about it.

Good luck! You dont deserve to be treated like that.

ps- my mom is currently blocked on my iPhone after a recent tirade against me leaving her out of a group event and not telling her things. It feels SO GOOD and I dont think I will unblock her anytime soon.[/quote]

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