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[quote=Anonymous]A few thoughts:
1) I think it’s helpful to sort out the stuff that’s adhd related versus the stuff that is purely disrespectful.  Having trouble putting things away is adhd related.  Stealing your phone charger is just disrespect.  Focus on the latter when you talk to him about your frustration.
2) what do your kids do after school?  If you can find a good person, you might be better off with an after-school nanny/house manager rather than after care.  She can help make sure the common areas are cleaned up and that the kids at least put away their stuff when they get home and before you guys get home from work.
3) I think you could all really benefit from a household organizer that works with all of you to set up an organizational system that will work with your stuff and your lifestyle.  I know from myself (adult adhd) and my kids that it is infinitely easier when there is a system in place and a habit developed so my brain does not have to do the extra work of figuring all that organizational stuff out every time.  I know you probably feel like you already have a system that he does not follow but sometimes there is a real benefit to having a fresh start and with his and the kids’ input into what system will work.  Sometimes ease of th system is key—for instance, my kids won’t put away their video games if they have to put them nearly on a shelf, but will toss them in an open basket.  Or, for instance, instead of individual charging cords, just get one of those docking stations that has the things attached so there is nothing to remove.  Or cordless chargers.  For every problem, there is a solution and if you hire someone to just come up with those solutions, you don’t have to fight about them.
  It would be great if you can then set up a whole family incentive system —- eg, if everyone’s stuff is away on Saturday night, you can order in and have a family video game competition.  Or you’ll put a 20 in the vacation jar to upgrade to a nicer hotel or whatever.  And you need to praise the hell out of both him and the kids when you see them following the system (irritating but research show it works).  Good luck![/quote]

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