Reply to Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job"

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Reply to "Making it work when the wife is the one with the "big job" - s/o today's NY Times article"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: Point taken on the household manager. I can do that- and that would help a little- but I’m not skimping on the help as is. We have a lot of help, but managing the help is still a job. And as other PPs have pointed out there’s just stuff that can’t be outsourced, [b]at least in terms of the way I’d like to parent. [/b]I wouldn’t even necessarily have a problem switching roles here, but that’s not what DH wants either - and the truth is that it wouldn’t be my preference. I just don’t think it’s fair that he gets to be the one that leans out while I’m the one that takes the role of the responsibilities of the one that leans out. Also, I’m not as concerned with dollar amounts (at all actually) as I am at the enormous differential in free time and what seems fair and right to me. If DH were a HS teacher making 50k and working his butt off, it wouldn’t bother me as much. So it’s not about the money, more the perception that the roles aren’t fair.[/quote]

Op, you can’t have it all.  You can’t both be a work superstar making $400k and also a superstar parent.  If you can’t hire someone to parent the way you want them too, what makes you think you can force your dh into that role?    Deal with the reality of the situation.  You can’t do it all.  Get a rockstar nanny to alleviate some of your burden.  What is the point of an amazing career if you hate your husband and don’t have the time you want for your kids?   He’s not your substitute.

Look at your post.  You’re mad at him for having free time.  You’d be happier if he were an underpaid teacher who was stretched as thin as you are.   How is that good?  How is that the right thing to want?   He can’t be you, op.  Hire help if you need it, and let go of some of your expectations around your home life.  Other people won’t do things as well as you do them, and you have to be okay with that.   The alternative is giving up your $400k income.  I don’t think that’s what you want. [/quote]
OP, this person has hit the nail on the head. Please listen to them.[/quote]

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