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[quote=Anonymous]I think this is tough. If I were you, OP, I might sit the girls down and say that there is a problem... one of them is always getting stared at for the way she looks. And then say that it is really nice to be as lovely as they both are, but sometimes people get kind of fixated on the looks of someone and that can cause problems for everyone... if you let it. Then tell them they both need to find good ways to deal with this, because the way they look is really not what is most important (and then list some things you find delightful about each of them - maybe they can think of some, too).

Then, each of them has a job to do. Daughter who gets stared at has to make sure that she doesn’t let people control how she thinks about herself and has to keep remembering that how she looks is an outside thing while how she acts and thinks are what make her really herself.

And then tell her sister that she needs to find good ways to not obsess about other people’s opinions either, because it just lets weird people ruin your whole day when the comments or staring of strangers can control how happy she feels. She is perfectly wonderful looking but being sulky and sad about how people treat her sister is only going to make life less wonderful than it should be. So she needs to take her power of happy back for herself and ignore all those people who forget that people are much more than a face.

And then, OP, you need to check your girls with a very firm look if they start to get sucked into what others say about their looks. Don’t let your daughters feed into the drama of it and don’t let your less-stared-at daughter wallow in a victim complex about it. Show them that what people say does not matter by not allowing them to make it matter. Maybe you can have a funny word or code you and the girls invent for when it is happening, so that there can be a secret family joke uniting you all together about weird stares and comments.

Anyway, that’s what I’d try, but with the acknowledgement that you know those girls best and it is a tough situation.[/quote]

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