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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Women and men are not the same. Men do not get pregnant, give birth or breastfeed. So if those things are part of a woman's vision for the future then they need to plan differently than a man or woman who doesn't want those things.

You can't have it all. There are finite hours in a day and a week. Many women (at all) are still more likely to want to spend more time with their children in the early years and many men (not all) are still more likely to want to be the provider for their family. What makes people feel valued and productive and fulfilled varies - and that should drive where they prioritize their time.

I have two siblings - my older brother is an engineer and his wife is a SAHM. My younger brother is a SAHD and his wife is a physician. My brother also does some part time consultant work. It works well for both of them. The more career oriented person is building their career and the more maternal / paternal oriented person is at home with the kids. It was important to my younger brother to maintain some paid employment and so he has. My SAHM SIL has gotten very involved in a couple charitable organizations where she volunteers and that gives her meaning outside of her at home role.

When his kids were really young, my older brother was able to flex his day and be home by 3:30, and he worked from home 1 day a week.

My Dr SIL is now considering a chance so she can be home more as she is finding she is missing too much of her kids lives.

If you put your time and effort into what you need to feel productive and fuilfilled and then shift that as time goes, that to me is the best of both worlds.[/quote]

I think we will see a rise in SAHDs when our kids are older.  There is a recognition of a benefit to one parent taking on the kids while the other focuses on career, and I think this next generation will be more open to dads taking on that role than our own was.[/quote]

This.
People are always saying "men didn't have to choose...they get to be a career man AND a parent"...but that wasn't the case at all. Traditionally, DAD was a career man b/c that was his role in the division of labor arrangement in the family. When MOM decided to do that too...well then suddenly she thought she TOO could "do it all" but that assumption ignored the reality that DAD never was "doing it all" to begin with. MOM was taking care of the household responsibilities and 90% of the child raising duties...and DAD was earning the money from his career to make that possible. Dad didnt' have to call out sick when Junior had the sniffles or do laundry on weekends or rush home early to pick up the kids from school and shuttle them to baseball practice b/c mom was doing all that WHILE HE WORKED.

Somehow along the way women were told "women can have it all" but it's impossible for one person to do the full-time job of both people. And yet we told men that nothing would change and this would be great for them too! It isn't. (Not that I'm saying it wouldn't be ideal to be able to balance it all...but the reality is that women having careers AND men having careers means that both have to do MORE than their career--because having a career and taking care of a household/family are each full-time jobs...and everyone is stretched thin!)

So yeah. I agree that we may see our own kids figure out more of a way to make it work so that one of the parents is doing the bulk of the parenting and household responsibilities again (but this time it could be mom OR dad doing it) while the other earns the income. They may trade off a bit more. But I think the kids are seeing a generation of parents  frustrated at each other for not "helping" enough at home in favor of our careers. And maybe that's how they will work it out.[/quote]

Well, the reality is that two incomes is more than one, and if they are the right amount of more, you don’t just have two people doing the house stuff. Our HHI is probably not high by DC standards but we have a bimonthly cleaner and caregivers for the kids, as well as other help from time to time. Is it still a lot to juggle? Sure. But it’s a lot whether you have two working parents or one SAH. My mom SAH and my dad helped a LOT around the house. I remember them fighting constantly and stressed because, well, three young kids and no local family or support network to speak of (immigrants). So I think for the most part life is life and there’s no getting around the fact that it’s a lot of work, unless you’re hugely privileged which by definition the vast majority of people on this earth are not. I still believe that getting more women economically and politically empowered will eventually lead to improvements in resource distribution and policy for most women and children. Telling privileged women to stay home and sit by the pool isn’t going to help with the bigger picture. [/quote]

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