Reply to Rent is Due: Am I being too hard on my daughter?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]I gave my daughter every advantage in life (private school, dance, piano, art, horseback riding lessons) and it appears to be backfiring. She was in school on a full scholarship and dropped out because she did not like the culture. [/quote]
I agree with the others that you need to lay down the lay and make sure that she is either full-time in school, or full-time employed.  You have been too easy on her, not too hard.

OP, did you drill this concept into her when she was younger?  I am not trying to imply that you did anything wrong in raising her, just asking if she knew what the social contract between parent and child was going to be after she turned 18.  My kids are young teens/tweens and I am trying to set the stage for them to understand that their life will involve work, likely work that they don't like all that much most of the time, and lots of it.  I grew up with immigrant working class parents.  I am UMC, but want to make sure that my kids keep some of the working class values - delaying gratification, not spending money frivolously,  studying and working hard.  Has she given you a plan for how she sees the next few years unfolding?  It doesn't have to be college, but it does need to be a path to self-sufficiency and a career of some sorts.[/quote]

OP here, I honestly thought the amount of investing I did in her would automatically yield a return, so I did not drive home any particular social contract message as I was raising her. I assumed if you put in something you are guaranteed to get it back. She's only 21 so I am not writing her off, but I am concerned that everything I have given her sent an unintended message that life is easy. [/quote]

NP here and FWIW I see this with the adult children in my neighborhood.  Their parents let them have all these expensive hobbies and paid for them to go to nice places on spring break and they just have no concept of how much things cost or that you have to put in work to get them.  It's one of my biggest concerns with this neighborhood that our kids will grow up with that mentality.

I would raise the rent and, since you don't need the money, set it aside for her for some future need like a house downpayment but don't tell her you're doing it.  Having less money to do what she wants will hopefully prompt her to seek higher paying work.[/quote]

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