Reply to Husband is so hard on kids' sports

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are plenty of stories out there about how the best thing a parent can do after practice / a game is say nothing.

There's some well known study (? I don't know if that's the right word) from a few years back that says kids say the worst part of sports is the car ride home.  I remember it made the rounds when my kids were smaller and had a big impact on both me and my husband - we really try NOT to analyze the game now.

So yeah, what your husband is doing is clearly alienating your child.  So sad.  I'd do everything not to have him be the pick up parent, which I know is hard.

See if you can start finding articles that discuss this, and just start forwarding them to DH.  It may also be that your kids' coaches have some resources - my kids' soccer league constantly sends things out about being a good sports parent.

I'd escalate this with your DH, to be honest, to the point where I'd insist on couple's counseling.  He is really harming his relationship with the kids, and he's doing lasting damage to them, and to your relationship too.  [/quote]

I was this dad and this coach. It took my own children choosing any opportunity to ride home with someone else to wake me up. You have to find a way to praise what they did well. It's not that you can't criticize but you need to praise first and find a way to push them toward improvement. I learn that both boys and girls are better when they believe they are good at the sport. They think less and just react more (I know that thinking is a good thing normally but in many sports, thinking slows you down).

I'd get in the car after my son just led his team in scoring on the way to a big win and I'd start talking about the shots he missed. I thought it was implied how great he did and how proud I was of him and I wanted to help him fix the mistakes so he could get even better. What he heard was me being unhappy with his performance.

Because I was lucky enough to have kids that excelled at some sports, it was easier to handle encouraging them in the ones where they weren't as proficient. Hey, you played great defense. You might be the best defender on the team. I loved your hustle out there. Then on an off day, I might say, "hey, you want to work on your shot?" or "Hey, want to learn some cool footwork stuff you can work on?"

I think the key is getting him to recognize it in a non-confrontational way. Not everyone can handle this approach. Unfortunately for many of us, all of our male role models (Dads, uncles, older brothers, coaches, teachers) handled things like your husband. If you couldn't "hack it", you weren't cut out for the sport anyway.[/quote]

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