Reply to Daughter calls her stepmother “mom”

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorce is evil and causes so many additional issues that reverberate for generations.  Dont say anything OP[/quote]

I’m not going to say anything. I’d rather be the one to feel bad instead of DD.[/quote]

I would be upset too, but would it help to reframe it? Think of it as people who can their in-laws mom and dad. My SILs do it to my mom  and I admit it feels weird to hear it each and every time. But it certainly doesn't impact their relationship with their own moms because they're very close.[/quote]

OP here, even though I never referred to my ex MIL as "mom", I know people who do that with their MIL's. I never really looked at it that way. Thanks for giving me another perspective. [/quote]

On the other hand, my MIL wanted me to refer to her as Mom and I wouldn’t.  It made me very uncomfortable.  I have a mother and don’t need or want a second one. That said, I liked my MIL and wanted to have a good relationship with her.  But suggesting I call her Mom felt invasive and boundary crossing.  Fortunately, as an adult I had enough independence to refuse this.  As a child in a house with a parent’s second spouse, I would not have felt comfortable refusing and would have probably used Mom and feigned cheerfulness. So much of a divorced child’s continued  relationship with a parent depends on accepting the new spouse. [/quote]

As long as your kid isn't being pressured to call her stepmom "Mom," I think you just let it go.  (If she tells you that she is being pressured, then that's different.)  She's not going to forget that you are her mother.  It stings, but it's not about whether or not she loves you or who she loves more.  [/quote]

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