Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I don't really care about control over scheduling, or who spends what holiday with who. I do care about control over my living space and that is one thing that scares me. I'm really not sure what to do, dating wise. I've always wanted to get married and now I am thinking, maybe that should not be my goal anymore, given how complicated the lives and finances so many men are.[/quote]

IMHO the only real reason to marry is to have kids. I would rethink the marriage thing and also stop dating anyone with kids at home based on your responses.  Your space, your life will include a relationship with these kids.  While you say you don’t care about schedules...those schedules will impact your life.  Your spouse/partner is will not be able to go on vacation with you or attend a wedding. He has his kids. Shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning all impacted by the sheer number of people.  If your an introvert....it will impact you greatly.  [/quote]

Yes.  OP, also think about what would happen if his ex becomes incapacitated or dies.  God forbid, the result would be you having near-100% custody.  That's what you're signing up for in a serious relationship with a man who has children.  Understand that in advance, or don't date met with children at all.

Go in with the expectation that the childcare schedule will not change around your needs.  It isn't the ex-wife's problem if you want to go on a vacation or whatever other reason you might want her to vary the schedule.  You're the one who wants to come in to this system, and your boyfriend presumably wants you to, but the ex-wife and kids aren't asking for this.  You're pushing yourself into their family whether they like it or not.  Don't think that you're just such a delightful person everyone will be happy to spend time with you and accommodate your preferences.  It doesn't work that way.  The Consideration Pie is sliced pretty thin already in this situation and your slice isn't going to be any bigger that anyone else's.  If that.[/quote]

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