Reply to Tips for dating divorced dads? How to interact with their kids or their mom if you meet them?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Ugh I agree I think junior high age is the worst age. High school - not really a huge deal because I feel we could just date for a few years and then wait to live together until they are off at college. If they were littler, maybe we'd bond better. But the idea of waiting to live together for full time is hard. And I agree I feel like kids who've gone through divorce etc ideally should not also have to deal with having to adjust to having their dad's new wife living with them and wanting to change things around the house. But then all those people who said the pool of normal men in their forties without kids is small? They are right. Maybe if I don't keep dating this guy, I will try to date guys whose kids are at least juniors in high school.

Sigh. He's nice though. He's really sweet to me. And he pays lots of attention to me. He sees me every night he doesn't have custody and he calls me every day he does not see me. [/quote]

OP, make sure you really, truly grasp what it's like to be a parent or step-parent.  It's FOREVER.  It's not like they go off to college and that's the end.  How do you feel about living with teenagers every school break and during the summer?  What if they have a medical issue or leave school and want to live at home for a while?  What if they have kids, get divorced, and need to move in with their toddlers into their dad's home while they get on their feet?  God willing, he'll have multiple sets of grandkids and holiday scheduling (which has to be coordinated with his ex, of course) will require complicated coordination of multiple households for as long as the grandkids are young.  If this is the way you want to live, great.  Enjoy it!  But if you're going to be one of those second wives who pouts and says "I didn't sign up for this", that makes it much, much worse for everyone.  If you like things to be simple and straightforward, if you like to have a lot of control over your home and your schedule, then step-parenting is not going to be easy for you.  Because these examples of kids moving back home or difficult holidays are EXACTLY what you sign up for when you CHOOSE to marry into a divorced family.  [/quote]

OP, dating a divorced parent is not all about playing house on your schedule - the family was there before you.  Maybe dating someone with kids isn't what you should be going for, at all. [/quote]

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