Reply to DH cheated but won't unfriend/block the OW on social media

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The 8 years of "off and on" were because he would feel guilty, then stop because he wanted to keep his marriage. By the way, this has been gone on for a majority of our marriage. [/quote]
I know you want to stay together for the kids, but it seems to me like he can't quit. If you know this has been going on for the majority of your marriage do you really believe that he won't cheat in the future? Do you still love your DH?  I can understand staying together for the kids, but I think at this point, I would be out of love with my DH and just be roommates with him.[/quote]

I do still love him. I don't trust him though.  I'm still trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go for once and for all.  I didn't sign up for this crap when I married him. [/quote]

You have a deep misunderstanding about your situation.  You think that something you do, will affect how he feels about this woman and whether he will "let her go."  ("trying to be the best wife I can be so he will just let this woman go."

He has clearly made a decision to use this woman to fill a need in himself (nothing to do with you).  It serves some purpose for him to have this fantasy love/relationship (at best) or secret AP (at worst).  After so much time, and considering his response to you recently, it is clear that he doesn't want to change this.

The only thing you can control is you.  The real question is do you want to continue being married to a guy who (at best) is constantly pining after an old love?  Do you want to be in a relationship where you have zero trust for your partner?

You decide whether you continue or not.  You decide whether or not you want to continue loving him.  By the way, love is a choice, not some uncontrollable force.  Just like your DH has decided to continue loving his ideal of this other woman, you also decide to either keep loving the person he is, the person you want him to be or you decide that you stop loving him.

My DH cheated on me extensively.  At his request, I tried to reconcile with him, but he could not stop his behavior.  I loved him deeply.  But, I decided that he was not worth that love.  I told him to leave the house.  I felt relieved the first day without him, when I could stop doing the "pick me" dance.  But, honestly, it took about 2 years for me to stop loving him.  It would have been faster had I cut off all contact (which would have been entirely justifiable).  For the sake of my kids, I still have contact with him, but it's pretty minimal.  The less it is, the happier I am.  Now, I can't even fathom why I wasted so much time on a person who so clearly was unable to devote proper time and attention to our relationship.  [/quote]

I guess I need to mention that this isn't the first time he's slept with another woman.  I forgave him that time because it was a one night stand with no feelings involved. This particular situation is sickening.  I can't believe he loves another woman.  That hurts me more than him sleeping with her. [/quote]

So, OP, I'll ask the question again -- why are you staying in this relationship?  What is it that you are getting out of it?   A sense of martyrdom?  A "normal" family cover?  Financial support?  Be honest about what you have.

Also, be honest about what you don't have.  You don't have someone who loves you.  You don't have a partner who has your back.  What else don't you have.

Total it up, hard and cold, and make your choice.  [/quote]

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