Reply to Leave apouse for affair partner?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]
Do you have a link for this statistic? I have heard these type statistics over the years, but IRL, most of the people I know who married their APs are still married (for now?)...

Maybe it is a socioeconomic thing? I'd be curious to see the breakout by economic demographic. I live in an upper-class area and these second marriages are prenuped to the hilt, but do seem to stick.

Maybe this stat includes trailer parks and lower middle class situations?[/quote]

Lol.... clearly rich people are better at love, right?  Google is your friend.

The reason marriages to affairs don’t work out has nothing to do with money and everything to do with the foundation of their relationship... which is based in a very selfish endorphin-driven obsession.  Both people know the other is capable of lying to their spouse... not just little lies, but complex manipulation that takes serious  both know that they sacrificed a lot, so the pressure for it to be worth it is high.  Affairs thrive in secrecy, but once they are out in th expensive they are less exciting. Also, once they no longer have any “obstacles” to being together, it looses the lure of feeling forbidden, and they have to find something to talk about other than how awful their existing marriages were (to justify the behavior they both know is heinous).

Then... if there are kids, imagine how your type A dominant male affair partner might appear when he’s trying to parent your teenagers.  Your teenagers who HATE him for what he did.  Or when the older kids in the blended family tell the younger ones that their mommy is a whore who fu@ks married men.  Suddenly it’s not as exciting anymore when your affair partner doesn’t correct his kids when they are messing with yours.  Because he feels guilty and he knows they are right... you are a whore.

The glue that held an affair together doesn’t last in real life when you have to deal with real shit... and they fail because NEITHER OF THEM KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ACTUAL STRESS IN MARRIAGE because they both deal with it by finding someone else to vent to about their shitty spouse. They both choose to turn away from their spouse and into the arms of another when the going gets tough.

That’s why marriages to affair partners fail.  Not money.

[/quote]

NP.  You're so busy tying out a rant that you're missing the point.  No one is disagreeing with you.  However, I think it is possible that wealth - easy lifestyle, vacations, lack of financial stress - acts as a quasi-glue for wealthy second marriages to APs.  I know about a half dozen that are still married and appear happy.  Some might be happy, some might not be happy.  Wealthy and educated people get divorced in lower numbers in general - first marriage or not.  I suspect that wealthy people are better equipped to make their second marriages work, even if their happiness is questionable.[/quote]

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