Reply to Frugal hoarder relatives constantly pushing used items

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There's nothing you can do to help her overcome hoarding. She needs professional help.  So the question is, "What approach works best for you as far as dealing with her stuff?"

If she offers you stuff, tell her you don't have room and will throw out anything she gives your family. "Goodwill won't accept it. If you sneak it into the car somehow, I will throw it out when we get home."

She sneaks, then asks, "How did you like it?"

You, "I threw it out, just as I said I would."

Her: Wailing and keening.

You: "I told you that's what I'd do. I did it. Would you like to talk about something else, or should I hang up/go for a walk? I'm done talking about this."[/quote]

I agree with all of this.

I think that since you sound like a nice person who loves her, you have one more very explicit conversation about this with her.

1) You will accept 1 birthday gift and 1 holiday gift per child per year. Anything beyond that is either getting dumped or donated, immediately.
2) If she sneaks items into your children's backpacks and tells them not to tell you, she no longer has access to your children, period. Anyone who encourages a child to lie to their parents is untrustworthy.
3) [b]You will not help her to donate things[/b]. You need to remove yourself from this situation entirely.

She will be upset about this, but that doesn't change the reality that the above is the right approach.[/quote]

What's wrong with helping her donate things?

It doesn't seem like she wants to donate her stuff, but why would it be bad if OP were to make a couple trips to Goodwill to help her out?[/quote]

This is a person with a mental illness. If you give her an inch, she will take a mile. I suggested that OP needs to be entirely removed from the situation. No to storing stuff for her. No to accepting the gifts. No to assisting the relative with getting rid of the existing items. That is just a recipe for her getting more stuff and then expecting that the OP would bail her out again. There is no reasoning with her. She will not understand logic. She will not understand compromise. It is an illness.[/quote]

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