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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m a wife. I’m often tired. The metal and physical load of my day is exhausting. I do want to have sex with my husband and felt resentful and unappreciated when he would show up once in a blue moon with date night or the occasional “helping” around the house. It seemed disengenuous to helping me, and about a means to (his) end. Which is a difficult spot for him to be in as well. Nothing gets better without some communication. In a non-blaming way you two need to have a conversation about what is and isn’t working for you.

I agree with the suggestion of sex before going out, that way the pressure is off and you can both relax and eat and rest however you like. If sex happens, great, if not it happened earlier.

It’s a total buzz kill to come home to make polite conversation with the babysitter, or grandparents, a kid invariably wakes up etc...and the mood is kinda lost. It takes constant input to the relationship bank to have something to draw from. [/quote]

Between loving partners, sex should not be regarded as just another tiring "chore" to be checked off the "to do" list, and placed well down below everything else on the "to do" list to boot.

If you "do want to have sex with my husband" then you would actually have sex with your husband.  Just like even if you were tired, but wanted to go to the gym, you would go to the gym.

Feeling resentful and unappreciated because (?) you believe that your husband isn't prioritizing your needs the way you want him to, is irrelevant, if YOU are prioritizing having sex with your spouse as an important part of your marriage.

It's almost like you're saying that if he won't do the dishes or the laundry enough to suit you (or whatever else it is you think he should be doing), in retaliation, you won't take your car in to have the oil changed when it's needed for routine maintenance.  You'd rather blow up your engine in order to prove a point.

Spiteful, and childish.

Why do so many women think this way about their marriages, and about sex in their marriages?

Only because most women believe (rightfully so in most cases) that men have an overall greater need for marital sex than women do.

So, you and your sisters unconsciously, or not so unconsciously, use the withholding of sex from your spouses to get leverage in the relationship.

Presumably, you don't NOT do something with your spouse that you actually enjoy, just because there is some other part of the relationship you're unhappy with.

That's called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Now, if the reason that you don't have more sex with your spouse is because you really don't want to, regardless of how many chores he does or doesn't do, then that's really your issue, isn't it?

Why don't you like sex more?[/quote]

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