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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]9 kids in my family. You basically don't get to develop a deep parenting relationship with each individual kid. There are other benefits for the kids (independence, fun, family belonginess) but a lot fewer parental resources for each one.

[b]I think 4 kids is really the max if you want to be close to your lids[/b]. [/quote]
Based on your one experience. It really depends on financial situation; what you can hire out. The temperament of your children. So many things. 
We have hashed and rehashed the really large families on this board and had all the haters come out. OP is talking about four here, not fourteen. [/quote]

How many people can have 4+ kids and still afford to "hire out" to a significant degree?  Also hiring out doesn't really solve the issue of individualized attention.  My family had paid help, and they couldn't really pay attention to individual kids either.  [/quote]
Lots of people in this area can afford it. I’m a SAHM to more than four, and we hire stuff out. I personally know 6-7 others in the same situation although it’s not representative given my husband is in a high paying job. 
Just because you can’t fathom it, or don’t like it, doesn’t mean it can’t work. [/quote]

you can't hire out parental 1:1 time with the kids.  If you have 4 under 8 to put to bed, everyone is getting 1 bedtime story all together.  [/quote]
You seem really rigid about this 1:1 time. There are two parents. So one parent could take two kids each. Or one parent could take three and the other child gets alone time. Or maybe two kids are older and don’t want stories read to them, and each parent takes one of the younger kids. Or - gasp! - they all do bedtime together and have great memories all cuddle up together. All of these options are great. [/quote]

right - you don't care about 1:1 time. Other parents find it essential. [/quote]

OMG. What are you doing during all this 1:1 time?! [/quote]

NP. I have two kids. 1:1 time is time to do activities that one child wants to do but the other doesn't. For example my 5 year old likes when we have time to build huge structures, play music duets, and do complicated crafts together. My 2 year old likes the sensory bin, watching me draw the the same thing over and over, I'm-gonna-get-you games, and leafing randomly through Richard Scarry books.

1:1 time is also time where they get undivided attention. With the oldest one, I lie in bed and we talk about the highlights of our day -- happiest, saddest, funniest, silly moments. I tell stories from my childhood. Inevitably he brings up things that were emotional at school or with friends and we talk about them. I heard someone say once that bedtime is when you see your children's souls, and that seems about right. There's something about curling up together in the dark that invites him to share things he wouldn't otherwise. Just being present and having the time to listen helps us connect.

A third would lead to more "group" herding and I'm not sure how it would change our relationships. My friend who has 3 certainly went through a rocky time adding the 3rd, and she is in a Scandanavian country where both parents get a year off from work. I think the middle child was upset for about a year and the marriage struggled.

My mom is from a family with 9 kids. 1:1 parental attention for them was if my grandfather took one on his bike to school, or my grandmother gave an individual spanking. I think a large family works best when there is extended family around and a somewhat group-centered culture or religious ideology. [/quote]

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