Reply to How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

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Reply to "How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote]
Not another one! LOL

PP--why do you think you are entitled to an "exclusive relationship with a guy with no expectation of marriage"? Why do you think any remotely desirable male would ever agree to such a thing?

If it's clear you have no expectation of marriage, then by definition, you are saying the relationship is temporary, and intended to be temporary. Why on Earth do you think you are entitled to "exclusivity" from the guy?

You will either end up with guys who are lying to you, and not really "exclusive" (just like you're lying to them, since you seem to have run through a lot of these relationships); or guys who are only investing the time with you in the hopes that they can change your mind (only to be disappointed).

This keeps happening to you, yet, you find fault with the guys, and don't understand what's happening.

What's happening is that even though you SAY you don't want a committed relationship, merely by insisting on exclusivity, (and probably in other ways), you are signalling to these guys that you are at least open to the possibility, when you're really not.

That's called "bait and switch."[/quote]

Your use of the word “entitled” is interesting here.  It makes you seem angry.  No where did I suggest that I’m entitled to anything.  I don’t expect anything from my dates, but there are a few things that I do insist on....that’s honesty, maturity, and independence.  I’m too intelligent to pretend these qualities are common or that they are some sort of given that I should assume will be present in another person.

When I date, once I’ve gotten to the point that I am considering a sexual relationship with a man we have a conversation about what we want.  I’m honest.  Even in my profile, I say that I’m not interested in marriage, but am ideally looking for long term exclusive.  If someone struggles with understanding that, I’m happy to talk more.  I was married for nearly 20 years. I’ve got two kids I plan to put through college.  I have my financial crap together, own my home, have a great job.  I’m not mixing my household with anyone any time in the next 15+ years (until my kids are done with college).

Your comment makes it seem like you have a hard time understanding commitment without marriage.  If you are divorced, you should understand that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything.  ALL relationships are temporary. They only work so long as both people are interested in staying in the relationship. It isn’t bait and switch for a woman to tell a man that she has no interest in marriage but is looking for a long term exclusive relationship.

Genuinely curious why this is hard for you to grasp? Or why it feels dishonest to you?

[/quote]

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