Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

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Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP.  Thanks again to everyone, both positive and negative, for replies.  It's a lot to take in and apply to our lives, but it will for sure be dissected and taken to heart!  It's very easy to spout hateful "you're a horrible parent" and "you're really effing them up" comments, so to those giving actual reasons, suggestions and btdt comments, thank you!

Our family has been about as picture perfect as one could imagine.  Our daughters adore their father, and he's been the model until this point.  I know naysayers will say impossible, he's been hiding something, once a cheater... which may well be, but as far as to me, and to the girls, he's always been wonderful and attentive.  He's a hard worker, spends his free time helping with their hobbies and sports, goes to all extra-curriculars, helps with homework, kisses me goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening, (if I'm completely honest, he's probably the better parent of the 2).  I'm positive this makes it even worse - it was so unexpected.  Had he been a crappy dad, a missing dad, inattentive, they may have felt less a betrayal.  I don't know...maybe not.

In denying what our eldest daughter saw, he essentially called her a liar.  (He didn't actually call her a liar, though gaslighting is for sure a great descriptor!)  Unfortunately, it was that moment of cowardice that happened in front of her.  And it was a double whammy of betrayal.  She's furious and hates him and wants him out of the house, and I've told her all of that is justified and I feel exactly the same way some times.  It's still so raw and fresh, you can only imagine the pain.  It's killing me to see both her and her sister hurting, and I know they don't understand how time will soften some blows.  We'll continue the therapy route and pray the family can be salvaged.  I could throw out my own hateful comments to some of the posters, but I will not - because I don't want to offend others that may have taken a different route.  But again, thank you to those that understand not everyone has the same choices or reasons and that doesn't make decisions wrong.[/quote]

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