Reply to what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "what do you do when the children know about the affair and are upset about a reconciliation?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How old is she?

I really hope you’re getting her therapy for this. You’re modeling the worst type of behavior. Plus, wanting her to get over it truly shows you AND your husband have zero regard for her.

Ugh. You’re complicit in completely screwing up your kids. Hope the DH is worth it! At least when he does it again, the DDs will be out of the house, so there’ll be no one to tell you. What a relief, right?![/quote]

OP.  I say this with all sincerity.  I'm sorry for the pain you have experienced that makes you so unforgiving.

I'm not sure what to say - both parents have regard for her feelings, it's heart wrenching to see her in pain. [b] But does the other DD who wants to forgive him not have any weight in this at all?  She would be in just as much pain for our family to just write him out of our lives [/b]- and wouldn't that screw her up?  Again, being sincere - what is the answer that I should be doing to NOT screw up either kid?[/quote]
I think the pain of the daughter who was gaslit by her own father will probably worse when the entire rest of the family links up against her[/quote]

The question about the other daughter is an interesting one.

The daughter who was gaslit is clearly lashing out. I think OP is very wrong to assume all is well with the other one. These reactions are more of an insight into their personalities. One might shout and scream, the other is a people pleaser - the type who will learn to masterfully apply makeup to hide black eyes from abusive boyfriends. She’ll put on a brave face and will internalize and hide her feelings to make the people she loves happy.

Both these girls have a lot to unpack. Growing up with this means they are statistically more likely to engage in risky behavior and have abusive relationships down the road. [/quote]

This is a good point about the other daughter. The OP seems to be trying to justify the current course with the dodge that it would hurt this daughter if she doesn't reconcile. I think the daughter who has been actively betrayed by her father (in a way that I could never forgive if I were the OP since it makes it crystal clear he has no morals) is the first priority, but she then needs to take a closer look at what is motivating DD2. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics