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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So why don't you see if she will come to stay with you if she has an escort each way.  Your FIL takes one weekend and flies out with her to your home, spends a day or two and then flies home alone.  She stays for some duration dependent upon how long you can tolerate her in your home and how long she feels comfortable being away from home and her husband.  Let's say she comes out for two weeks.  Then at the end, your husband flies with her to her home and flies back home alone.  She has a a trusted escort for each trip who can take care of all of the travel issues that cause her anxiety and she doesn't have to worry about those.  She just has to go for the ride.  She'll be staying in your home for her visit, but she can stay longer than your FIL can take off from work.
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OP here.  We have done this before, and it works fine.  [b]The complicating factor is that we live in Europe right now, and the trip here is a bit complex given the small city they're flying from in the States.  At least two connections, not cheap.  My FIL has to come over 1-2 times a year for work.  She will usually fly with him, and my husband will have to take a train or a plane to pick her up and bring her to our house. [/b] FIL will come later and then they fly home.  So, in response to previous posters, this may simply be related to travel.  However, I also think there is something to the idea that she and my FIL simply prefer/need to do everything together.  I've never seen two people that are so intertwined.  Again, I love them both, and mean no disrespect.  I am simply trying to figure out ways to make her feel more comfortable coming to stay with us.

But I also hear what everyone is saying about anxiety/mental illness.  I have anxiety myself, so I understand, but perhaps hers is so crippling that it's not possible for her to overcome it.  I'll stand down, but ultimately feel sad for my children that they won't have the same relationship with my ILs as they do with my parents (who visit frequently).  [/quote]

I thought you were more reasonable before you answered here.  Now I think you are unreasonable.  Your MIL comes from a small city.  You are asking her to fly to Europe on a flight that takes at least two connections and is not cheap.  She will need to navigate not only travel, but visas. passports and customs and go through airports and local transportation where she might not be able to find someone who speaks English and you think think that it is trivial for her to come and visit you and that she has no reason for not wanting to do this alone?

Sorry, but not everyone is a worldly international traveler that can pick up and travel by themselves easily through multi-leg journeys that involve travel in foreign countries where they may have to communicate with people who do not speak the same language.

As you say, this works fine.  So make allowances for her to come and visit you and arrange for her husband or her son to escort her each way.  If they travel on weekends, then neither your husband nor your FIL have to take off work to escort her.  Make each trip longer, like a month for a visit and you'll have her around more.[/quote]

OP here.  She doesn't come from a small city; she comes from a major metropolitan East Coast city; my in laws only recently moved to a smaller city down South for warmer weather.  She wouldn't even come visit us when it was a 45 minute flight to DC from her previous hometown.  The current logistical details are only important because they make it impossible for someone to accompany her for a drop off. [/quote]

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