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[quote=Anonymous]These questions are so profoundly hard, and one of the toughest things about them is that one's perspective changes over time.  What you might deem utterly inconceivable now may become tolerable.

What you judge as sufficient quality of life now might change.

Etc...

My father spent the last 2+ years of his life in a nursing home.  If he had stayed at home he would have died.  He needed tons of care.  Tons of personal, formerly embarrassing care.  Tons of medication oversight and highly skilled medical support, and so on.

Because he lived those extra two years my kids grew to be old enough to remember him.  My sister got time to heal some significant childhood wounds.  My brother conquered an addiction and had two long visits (and dozens of phone calls) with my father while he was sober - something that hadn't happened in the preceding decade.

My parents had hundreds of additional dinners together and he was able to support my mom emotionally through a serious illness.

My father would have found his last years to be completely unacceptable if you'd asked him his wishes at 30, 40, 50, 60 years old.  But he - and we - were (and remain) extraordinarily thankful for the time we did have, despite his diminished capacity.

So this has changed, and complicated, my perspective on how to define my wishes for my later years.  Just something to keep in mind...
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