Reply to Different upbringings = major marriage stress!

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband was like this, OP.  We lived in a blue collar type neighborhood with used furniture.  Frankly, it was very difficult to make friends.  
1). Everyone knew we made a lot more money than they did based on our professions, and that made people a little uncomfortable. 
2). People really judged us because my husband didn’t show up for stuff, and I went to school festivals and invited people over without him being there, and I know people gossiped about it.  For all the talk of dad working three jobs and being gone 130 hours/wk, my experience is that many dads work 36-40 hours/wk with mom working 15 hours/wk. 
3). When we invited people over from work, it almost seemed disrespectful.  There were not places for people to sit, and it wasn’t what people were used to.  I am sure that those people gossiped about this as well.

And if we had some huge life philosophy, like we were minimalists, or we were trying to retire early, or we just wanted to be free of material and financial obligations to do what we wanted, it would have been fine.  But we weren’t like that.  We both have jobs we love, like working, don’t really plan to retire, and are very well compensated.  We just had hundreds of thousands of dollars sitting in a savings account.

After we had been married about ten years, I finally convinced him to buy a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood with a good school system and decent furniture.  He freaking loves it.  We had custom bookshelves put in, so he has his own little library with a big leather chair.  He does puzzles with the kids on the dining room table, so we don’t have to move them when we eat.  I have all of his friends wives over for coffee once a month, and he and his friends all talk about it at work.  He can invite friends from high school to come stay in our guest bedroom.  We have tons of friends from our kids new schools because many of them work with us or have similar jobs, so it’s easy.  He even asked me the other day about joining a country club.

My advice, OP, is to wait it out.  There is a reason people buy these things, and it isn’t always about keeping up with the Jones’s.      [/quote]

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