Reply to My children (adopted) said that we weren't a real family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honey,  this is “our” family tree! This is your great grandfather Phillip, and your great great grandfather Christopher...While they are young the adoptee will go along with this because they simply don’t know better. As teens, they won’t dare say anything so your “feelings” aren’t hurt. As adults they search in secrecy not to offend thir parents.   Because it’s all about the adoptive parents. After all, the children were paid for fair and square, right? And have no right to the possibility of their own family tree. Plus the biological family might be scary! Poverty is scary! They should just be grateful. The end.

Look, it’s okay to be the adoptive mom AKA mom. It’s okay to talk about it! Show your children there is no shame in it. Talk about how much you love how your family came to be. But with all that love you need to acknowledge and talk about the loss of your child’s first family. It will be okay. And you will be closer. 
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[b]You are so very wrong in all your advice.  Maybe that is why the kids struggle.  OP is not mom if you feel her identity has to be adoptive mom which creates a divide.  If OP is the second family, that makes it sound lesser.  Your states are 100% wrong and harmful.[/quote][/b]

But unless you keep their adoption status a secret, these kids are going to grow up and realize they have another biological family out there.  That's significant.  I know you wish it wasn't but it actually is, and it's something they will have to work through. [/quote]

You don't know anything about anyones individual adoption so you are speculating based off your needs and feelings.  My child doesn't have to realize anything.  They have one family which includes both families as we are close to the maternal family and are in frequent contact.  Mine doesn't have to wonder and they are fully supportive of us as parents.   There are many times of adoptions and how you handle it is important.  Very few adoptions are secret and most have some level of openness now.[/quote]

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