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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OMG, OP, you are me and my DD. And yes, things will absolutely get better.

Give her tangible goals like "Get good grades', "participate in the music competition"  rather than intangible goals "be liked by your friends"

She is depressed because you are drawing attention to her being a failure in social interactions. She will feel happy when she starts achieving things on her own and will be able to feel proud of what  she has achieved.

My kids are like that - nerdy, very brainy and somewhat of social misfits. My own social circle and family circle is big enough that they are included in things. They are taking their pleasure and joy from their achievements in scholastic activities and guess what? they have found their tribe in such activities.

Your kid is associating with terribly  average kids. Her tribe is very much present but you have not yet found it. They tend to escape notice at first glance.  Go to any Robotics competition, a TaekWondo dojo, Math competition, maker space, Geography bee, Chess camp...these kids are there. Go make friends with these kids.  My children best friends are some equally nerdy kids from a different culture than ours,  who are very supportive of them. They are all a little nerdy and a little quirky but they have both beautiful minds and beautiful souls.

Another tip. Please go beyond your race. [/quote]

I agree with all of this.

OP, if you can get her through middle school, she will eventually find her people through activities. Seek out the geeky ones, not the cool kid or jock activities.

I have posted this in boy threads. My oldest is a junior. In 6th grade his friend group turned on him (he was young for the grade and still played like a kid) and then in middle school he became introverted and shy, with hardly any friends.  9th grade, he did not have friends or do anything social, only his school activities (arts related). In 10th, he got some invites, and the older kids let him tag along to things.  By the end of 10th though, some of those tagalongs developed into friendships through the activity.   By 11th, his social calendar was packed, with multiple things going on each week, across several different friend groups: the 2 or 3 nerdy/outcast kids he was friendly with in 7th-9th (who also came into their own in high school), the older kids he used to just be a tagalong with, other kids his age and younger from his activities, even a few girlfriends. He is still amazed with how much his social and friend group has grown in just one year, and is very happy to have such a busy friend life.  Almost all of these friends came through activities, except for that small core group of nerds from 8th and 9th.  He doesn't even think about the cool kids anymore, and actually reconciled with some of the bullies.

Activities are key. Common interests and values breed strong friendships.

Just hang in there, and get her in some activities with the (usually VERY nice) geeky outsiders.[/quote]

Oh...one more thing.

Definitely help her to dress like the other kids in a non flashy, blending type way.  Make sure she is groomed with current hair.

Just like animals, middle school kids prey on and reject kids who don't look like the rest of the flock. She doesn't need to be a sheeple, but blending inconspicuously in middle school is a good thing. Don't let her be the girl equivalent of the 6th grade boy still wearing a minecraft shirt.[/quote]

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