Reply to Help. 20 year old son.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Choosing to become engaged and married is an adult decision.  While it is their decision, it is my decision (as a parent) to not support a married couple. To me, that means health insurance, help with living expenses and footing the entire wedding bill.

My suggestion is to layout your expeditions. A 20 year old has no idea how much $$ they will need to live, from health insurance to car insurance, etc. Lots of financial stress.[/quote]

There it is. The same parent who holds ollege tuition over her kids' heads to control them. Continuing to try to use money as a control even when it hasn't been asked for and long after it is appropriate.

control freaks need to find a better way to deal with their children. And if you wonder how bad mothers and law are created, you have it right here[/quote]

Ok so are you saying parents SHOULD pay to support a married couple? To what extent?  For how long?[/quote]

I am pp of this post. College tuition was not part of this discussion. I am assuming this couple will wait for graduation to marry. Many kids live at home after graduation while they pull $$ together for renting an apartment, buying a car etc. Maybe YOU are willing to house a married couple. I am not.[/quote]

It is the same mentality, the idea that you can control your children via money. It is all the same. Many kids live at home after graduation, many do not. Either way, you can make your limitations clear, educate them, but you should not do it in an attempt to control or maneuver the situation. [/quote]

Seriously, what is the difference between a limitation you make clear and this horrible “control” you speak of?  I’m dying to know.  [/quote]

"Son, if you get married young, that is your choice. But we are not going to support you financially or let you move in with us. You might want to think about that before you make these choices"

...that is trying to control the situation and manipulate your kid.

"Son, what are your plans for supporting yourself after college when you get married? Can we help you figure out your financial and logistical plans?"

...that opens the door to a conversation about your limitations without trying to be proactively nasty and controlling.[/quote]

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