Reply to HS DS frosh navigating social scene

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok so friend groups can be hard and there's group think. But it seems like the old friends ARE still willing to hang with him. Can he ask ONE person to go out to a movie/bowling/golf/whatever -- someone who he thinks is likely to want to get out but only games 24-7 bc that's what everyone in their group is doing so that's what the social option is? If he thinks that'll offend people -- why not text the whole group with something like -- "hey I was wanting to get out to x movie or the driving range or whatever on Saturday afternoon, would love if anyone wants to join." Sometimes I think specific plans get more responses than -- we should hang out -- bc then the hanging out just becomes the path of least resistance which for this group is video games.

Also while you mean well, in HS relying on your sister for social plans doesn't work. I mean they aren't Brandon and Brenda Walsh with a mutual friend group. She'd have to 'inconvenience' her group/ask a 'favor' to bring her bro along and her friends may begrudgingly say yes but it may diminish her goodwill with them. The only way this can work organically is if her friend group starts hanging out at your house a lot. Then it's expected a younger brother will obviously be there and can watch movies etc. with the group -- if THEN the group sees him as cool, some independent friendship spark with him, then he can be a legit friend not just a tagalong brother.

Finally -- it just sounds like a social rut, which is a great time to take up an activity. For a 9th grade boy, I'd recommend a spring sport. Seems like he did a fall sport at school but didn't make friends? For the spring sport --he should go in not worrying about the sport so much but more about socializing. And again the socializing happens by reaching out to 1-2 boys on the team or the whole team and saying -- hey I wanted to go do x, does anyone want to join?[/quote]

I think this is good advice and It seems like your DS realizes he doesn't fit in with his old friends anymore and as a teen I think it would suck to be in a group and be the "dumb" one (not that your DS is dumb but if the group is doing all AP math and science and he isn't I can see who he might feel that way).  Your DS missed out on some social skill building by not being in groups with kids who were doing that so it will take him a little bit to build up the confidence.  I don't think it's wrong to want to hang out with the popular crowd and if it's a big enough crowd there will be layers in it and he will fall in with similar kids. He just needs to find a hobby or club and stick with it and yeah, there will be some lonely times but they won't be forever.  In terms of your DD, she could fill him in on how plans usually get made in groups so he can understand that dynamic and work on getting looped in with the kids in his grade. He might be missing the subtle signs.[/quote]

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